Maybe if my T-shirt is hip enough, people will overlook my glaring personality flaws.

So I know that Radiohead can no longer be considered indie since more than five people have heard of them (a downfall that can be attributed partly to Starbucks for having the audacity to play “In Rainbows” and partly to the fact that oh, I don’t know, some people like their music.) However, regardless of the current status of Radiohead’s music on the indie-o-meter, I have faith that their concert tees would score somewhere above Vonnegut and thick-rimmed glasses (but slightly below pretentious smirks and artsy coffeeshops.) Why, you ask? Do you think you are ready for this?
These shirts are made from certified organic cotton and 100% certified… recycled plastic bottles. Yes. Plastic bottles. This is to reduce air water and soil contamination, reduce use of energy and oil, reduce pollution et cetera et cetera. I’ve heard rumors they also reduce the levels of carbon in the atmosphere and the levels of ignorance of the general populace. Basically, every time you buy one of these shirts, God masturbates. Ohsnap American Apparel, you have officially been out-hipstered!

There were 6 or so different shirts, all screened with thoughful, emo-tinged lyrics:
“you’re going to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking”
“i am trapped in this body and can’t get out”
“you used to be alright, what happened”
(with assortment of backslashes, underscores, and unnecessary spaces scattered throughout, of course.)

So there you go. It’s save the environment meets no one understands me. Hippie, meet hipster. A whole new brand of indiefuck. Even if people think Radiohead is overrated, hell, at least they are making quality look-at-me-I-saved-the-planet-AND-appreciate-good-
tee shirts. AND get this genius: the back of the shirt has the lyrics printed in reverse so you can wear it inside-out to let everyone see the tag and still be able to read it (thankgod!) The printed tag goes into a detailed discussion of how the plastic is turned into clothing fibres, chemical processes and all. Whoa– environmentally friendly, lyrically introspective, AND scientific? Wearing this shirt increases my coolness level to OVER NINE THOUSAND!* But seriously, they are pretty damn cool.

Now that you know how awesome and enlightened my shirt is, I’m sure it justifies my current obsession with the song it references. It’s as if the thought was taken straight out of my mouth and plastered onto a recycled plastic/organic cotton canvas.
ha-HA. Figurative word vomit.
But seriously, it speaks to me.

*Admittedly there is a good bit of hypocrisy in mocking the very T-shirt I paid 40 bucks for. But I’m ignoring that for now. It was a fucking Radiohead concert, okay? Honestly, if they had been selling severed kitten heads with song lyrics seared into them I would have bought one.
Or two, depending on the songs chosen.

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