‘New Dora’ is sexy…and legal!

SCANDAL! A new Dora figure was released recently and apparently, the public isn’t very happy with it. She’s too sexy to be a good role model for teens, they say. Growing up isn’t natural, they say. Well, at least her head is smaller, allright? And honestly, she still perfectly conforms to the wholesome and innocent expectations of soccer moms with the flowery dress, ballet flats, and leggings (the latter of course, is a challenge rule 34 enforcers across the internet have already begun tackling in MS paint).

Anyhow, the real issue is that Dora was released alone. Where is my post-pubescent Diego?! I’ve been patient, Mattel…

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